The Lost and Heartbroken
by pumpkinnubbin
Summary: With Alex wanting nothing to do with her anymore and Larry breaking up with her, Piper can't handle the heartbreak. She feels alone and lost and there is no one she can turn to. When Pennsatucky steps out into the snow with the intention of killing her, she needs to make a decision that will change her life. Piper/Alex
1. Teaser

_This is my first attempt at an OITNB fanfic. This first Chapter is more of a teaser than anything. It's set after the finale. My take has several changes from the actual episode. I hope I get the characters right and that you enjoy it :) More to come soon! And I'm pretty upset that Alex won't be in as many episodes and all that. So, yeah, I need an Alex/Piper fix._

* * *

"He broke it off." Piper whispered before Alex could continue to tell her to fuck off.

She left again after that. Not like she was welcome. She felt like shit. The one person who had held her together had left her and she felt her world breaking apart. She needed Larry. She needed him for when she got out. Needed to know someone out there was waiting for her. Someone she could safely be with. No matter how much they both had fucked up, she needed him. Now she didn't know how to do this anymore. By herself. She had thought it would be somewhat okay to be without Alex and deal with her anger and ignoring her so long she had Larry. But now she had neither and she couldn't even go to Alex as a friend anymore. It was killing her. Piper felt empty.

Maybe the pageant would help a little. It was Christmas after all, right?

* * *

Alex was still staring at the door long after Piper had disappeared through it. Nicky was looking at her with a frown on her face.

"You okay?"

"Yeah... Yeah. I'm tired of giving in with her. It's fine."

Nicky nodded absently. If she said so. She didn't quite look okay though. She looked lost in thoughts and she wasn't sure what to make of it.

"So, the fiancé broke up. She looked out of it."

"Yeah, that's not my problem anymore. She made her decision. She's on her own in dealing with that now."

As much as Alex hated to admit it, it still broke her heart to see Piper like that. She had looked heartbroken and lost but she had chosen Larry and Alex was too tired of getting her own heart broken over her. Again. So she let her go and pushed her away. Selfish or not, she wasn't a stand-in.


	2. Torn

_I just wanted to thank you guys for being interested in this story! I'll try to update this every few days or at least once a week. Feedback is more than welcome (especially since I'm rather uncertain of having caught the characters as well as I possibly could)._

* * *

As beautiful as the pageant was, Piper couldn't stay. It was too emotional for her that day. The irony of this entire thing nearly made her chuckle bitterly but she just got up and left. She liked Christmas, loved spending it with the people she cared most about but now she just wanted to be alone. She couldn't handle everyone's happiness and being cheerful when all she wanted to do was cry and hit something. Staying would only result in her having to explain why she was so down and she wasn't ready to tell anyone else. She had only told Alex because... She didn't know anymore. Maybe it was just an old habit. She had always told Alex everything and even after she had broken it off all those years ago, the urge to get a hold on her and tell her about her life had been overwhelmingly present.

She got out to catch some fresh air and found herself needing it more than she had previously realized. She had seen Alex and Nicky at the pageant and her heart had clenched painfully. She knew something had happened between the two of them but what probably hurt the most was how long Alex had waited to do anything with anyone else. Piper just took it. It was really over this time and she'd need to learn how to deal with it. All of it. She had been fine by herself before. Before Alex and before Larry and she had friends in prison too. People that would look out for her. Be the friends she needed when she was abandoned by the ones she loved. Though that wasn't quite fair and she knew it. It was her fault. It was her fault both of them had left her.

Maybe finally she could cry the tears she had been holding back all day. She clung to the fence, hiding her face. Life just had to be an unfair bitch to her. Her heart felt like it was about to burst out of her chest, pounding painfully hard as she grew overwhelmed by her feelings. She felt as lost and alone as before the pageant but with everyone's happiness rubbed into her face, it had become worse. Or maybe she was just having a panic attack. She took a step back from the fence again and took a few deep breaths in, willing her tears to stop so she could breathe without choking.

Piper was just about to drop into the snow when she heard the door creak behind her. She turned around and took a step back. What the hell was Pennsatucky doing here? Then again, it was obvious enough. After all the threats and her being crazy, she should have known it would be her. Pennsatucky wasted not time in getting out her wooden cross and preaching about how she needed to kill her because the Lord told her to. Piper wasn't even listening to half of the things she said, her eyes fixed on that cross and trying to avoid it when Pennsatucky got closer to hit her with it. She kept on rambling something about God and how she was an angel that needed to get rid of the devil that Piper was.

"You ain't worthy of God's love. You ain't worthy of nobody's love. So, I think it's time that you die." Pennsatucky said, taking another step closer.

That was about the first thing Piper consciously realized her saying and her mind was spinning with thoughts. She backed up, hitting the fence and she suddenly found herself trapped. The other one took another step closer and Piper was ready to scream at her, yell and fight and hit the living daylights out of the nutcase.

* * *

Poussey was looking over the crowd to see if Piper was around once the show had ended. She had been upset before the pageant, especially with all the recent threats on her life she had gotten. She wanted to make sure Piper was alright but she couldn't find her anywhere. She walked through the hall, keeping her eyes open and asking everyone if they had seen her. Taystee joined her a few moments later, suggesting to ask Vause about it. They didn't know about their argument and break up so it seemed like a good idea. They found her and Nicky soon enough, still sitting in their seats and chatting.

"You two seen Chapman?"

"No." Alex replied, uninterested.

"Last we seen her was before the pageant." Nicky added.

The two frowned at them, wondering what this was about and Nicky looked worried when she noticed the look Taystee gave Poussey. The latter took another look around and then her eyes widened.

"Shit. Where's Pennsatucky?"

"I think she left earlier." Nicky shrugged.

"Shit."

With that, Poussey was gone and out of the chapel, leaving two very confused inmates behind who were staring up at Taystee as if waiting for an explanation.

"Okay, what the fuck is going on here?" Alex asked after half a minute.

Taystee frowned at her. She had thought Piper would have told her out of all the people around.

"You seriously don't know? Your girl's got threats."

"What the-"

"No time. We gotta find her."

Taystee left as well. If that crazy Jesus bitch was with Chapman, some serious shit was going to go down. She liked the girl too much not to care.

Alex only frowned more, clearly not following what the hell was going on. Piper would have told her about the threats. Or she'd brush it off as nothing and not bother her with it. Maybe she had pushed her too hard. She shook her head, trying to stop thinking. Whatever was going on wasn't her business. Piper could deal with it on her own. What could Pennsatucky possibly do to her anyway? She realized she didn't actually know what she was in for but she wasted no second thought on it. Piper could take her.

"Listen, we gotta find her. Sounds like she's in trouble." Nicky said, ripping Alex out of her thoughts.

She got up and walked to the door. When Alex didn't follow her though, Nicky rolled her eyes and went back to grab her, dragging her with her. Now was not the time to be mad at Chapman. Argument or not, it didn't matter. They needed to find her, no matter what was actually going on right now.

Alex still wasn't entirely convinced she should be on the look-out for Piper but she was incredibly torn between staying mad at her and worrying to the point it would make her sick. So she just followed Nicky.


	3. The Search

_I just want to thank you all for reading, faving and following this story! Amazing! I'm also really happy about the feedback I get, please keep that coming. Otherwise I'll just assume the story is perfect and fucking brilliant (which it totally isn't, let's be honest here). I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the previous ones._

* * *

The girls spent the next minutes frantically searching the facility for Piper and Pennsatucky. Nicky and Alex went to the laundry room first but when neither was there, they headed out to the bathroom and then their dorm.

"You think she's gonna kill Chapman?" Nicky asked and Alex tensed visibly.

She just shrugged though, leaving their dorm again when it was completely empty to search another area of the prison.

"Listen, I know you're mad at her. You got every reason to be but she's your friend and-"

"That's where you're wrong, Nicky. We've never been friends. I love her, okay? But I can't do this again. Let's just try and find her and not talk about her." Alex interrupted.

Nicky nodded, a little hesitant but at least she was willing to look for Piper. That was something.

* * *

Poussey and Taystee were checking the library but as expected, they weren't there. Their next stop was the dorm but it was also empty. Everyone was still in the chapel. They left again and just kept on looking everywhere for them. They searched every closet and every room, leaving Alex and Nicky to check all the dorms and even the kitchen.

They met them again at the cafeteria.

"Nothing. You got anything?" Nicky asked.

"No. We checked everything."

"What about outside?" Alex brought up and they all shook their head.

"Haven't been there yet."

The four of them left together but parted again so they could cover different exits.

* * *

Everyone's worry about Piper was becoming obvious now and they passed a couple of inmates on their way, all who caught up on the fact that something must be wrong. Poussey ran into some of Pennsatucky's followers but they ignored her and just walked on, apparently not even realizing that their friend was missing.

Taystee also saw a few familiar faces passing by. She knew most of them but only a couple who usually hung around Chapman. She stopped Morello when she noticed her. She didn't want to alarm her but she told her that they were looking for Piper and Morello agreed to look out for her without hesitation. She left again, following the others and Taystee was quite grateful for the help and promise not to spread the word. It would only cause a panic and that was about the last thing they needed right now.

Alex and Nicky had separated too and Nicky stepped outside to check if they were around Electrics. It wouldn't even surprise her. She knew Piper came for fresh air there sometimes, it was less crowded than her usual spots but she wasn't there either. Nicky was going to lose her mind soon. She kicked the bench and cussed loudly. They had covered most of the property by now so that meant they should at least find her some time soon. There weren't a lot of places left for them to be. She took a few deep breaths before heading back inside to see if the others had had more luck.

Alex hadn't been outside yet. Instead she had slid down the wall by the phones, trying hard to keep the rising panic inside of her. She had been fine with letting Piper go, accepting that it was over and she'd keep her distance again. She was tired of getting her heart broken by her. And now she was following her feelings again. She hated that she loved her so much. Piper was in danger and it tore at her. She eve found herself blaming herself for it. The entire thing with Pennsatucky only started because of her and if she hadn't pushed Piper away, she would have told her about the threats. Her mind was racing and she couldn't grasp a clear thought to go out and look for her. She couldn't even calm down right now.

"Fucking bullshit."

She just wanted to be done with her already. Now she couldn't. Not right now while she was in danger and as much as she tried not to give a fuck about it, she couldn't. She cared about Piper far too much not to.

"Vause, what are you doing?" Nicky asked out loud when she passed by the hallway and found her on the ground, shaking and half crying.

She didn't look up at her or said a word.

"Come on, we gotta go. I didn't see her at Electrics but we covered most areas so she's gotta be in reach, all right?"

She tugged Alex up and made sure she was more or less fine before dragging her along. She felt sorry for her. Alex was a tough girl but when it came to Piper, her guard was down and breakdowns like this happened. They didn't have the time for this now.

"Yo! You found her?" Poussey shouted from the other end of the hallway when she saw the both of them.

Taystee joined them a minute later, having come up as empty handed as Poussey had.

"No."

"Shit.. Not a lot of places left, come on."

They were all hoping they wouldn't be too late in finding the two women. They made their way to an exit they hadn't covered yet and Alex heart was beating faster now. She was anxious. What if they found them but Piper was dead? What if she wasn't? What if Pennsatucky was the one down?

It was one of the last areas they had to cover and she was scared. Actually scared of finding her. Her thoughts were running wild once more with the possibilities. Any outcome between the two women would be fatal.

Poussey opened the door and just as they were about to step out into the cold, they heard a loud, nerve wrecking scream.


	4. Down

_I am quite amazed by the views I got for this fic! You guys are awesome. The Italics mark flashbacks. I'd greatly appreciate it if you could leave me a review because I'm not good at writing fighting/action scenes of any sort and I'd like to know how I did on this one in your opinion. So if you could spare a minute of your time to tell me, that would be fantastic. And possibly ensures faster uploads ;) Either way, I hope you'll enjoy this one as much as the previous ones! Thank you!_

* * *

_She wanted to fight. Everything inside of her screamed to not let Pennsatucky have the upper hand and just beat the shit out of her. But her own thoughts were betraying her. The few words Piper had understood from the other woman's rambling made her insides clench and her mind telling her it was true. She didn't deserve to be loved. She lied, she cheated, she broke hearts over her own selfishness. She shouldn't be loved by anyone for their own good. She wanted to cry but she felt more numb than anything over the realization that the crazy Jesus bitch had points she would have denied herself for years to come. She just didn't want to see the truth and now someone had shoved it into her face so hard that it was impossible to ignore._

_She snapped out of her thoughts when her hand stung suddenly and she stared down at it, watching her blood trickle down her hand and into the snow. When she looked up again, Pennsatucky was looking at her with a pleased smile, obviously delighted she had landed a hit._

_She gripped the cross tighter and walked further up to her, resulting in Piper being completely trapped into the corner, defenseless. She shakily reached into her pocket and got out the screwdriver Boo had given her for Christmas, holding it out in front of her. Pennsatucky all but laughed at her. She was shaking so hard she could barely keep the tool in her hand and she'd need a lot of force behind any action to hurt her with it. Not that it would matter. Pennsatucky knew she would get what she wanted._

_With one quick swipe she cut her hand again, the screwdriver falling into the snow with a faint thud. Piper cradled it against her chest, holding the cut area with her other hand. She had never been so scared in her life. She ignored the pain radiating from her wounds, her eyes on Pennsatucky and her cross. Maybe she could dodge it and make a run for it. Get back inside and find a guard before more happened. She actually laughed out loud when she realized how naive that thought was. Who was she trying to kid? Herself more than anyone. There was no way out of this mess._

"_You're worthless, Chapman." Pennsatucky nodded repeatedly, tilting her head aside and making Piper cringe in the process._

_She looked even crazier than usual. She was as unreasonable as always and the only way to get out of there somewhat alive would be fighting back and turning the game around. And Piper tried to get her body to do just that. But it wouldn't. She was frozen in her spot, her body refusing her any action that would ensure her survival. She couldn't even bring herself to say anything back._

_Before she noticed her next movement, Pennsatucky had cut a fine line from her collarbone down until her arm was in the way. She let out a painful wince and dropped her hands for just a moment, enough for Pennsatucky to go for another cut. She opened her shirt further with the next one, blood tripping down the open cuts and being soaked into the fabric of her shirt. Piper held her stomach, covering the wound there and doubling over a little when she started to feel sick. She was shaking madly, tears in her eyes from the injuries. They were painful but she couldn't react properly to avoid them anymore. Piper barely had the time to lift her head when she felt the cross smack over her face, her cheek easily cut and she fell into the snow with the force of the impact. She coughed, trying to catch her breath and crawl away more than anything but she didn't get far. Pennsatucky stepped on her hand when it reached out to the screwdriver close-by, Piper's survival instinct finally starting to kick in._

_She cried out quietly when the pressure on her already injured hand increased. She looked up, almost frowning at the expression Pennsatucky wore right there. She looked like she was thinking about her next move, her eyes so fixed on Piper's hand and the cross that Piper had to swallow hard. She was grabbed by the shoulder and pushed into the snow, facing up. Piper kept her gaze steadily on the sky rather than on Pennsatucky. She knew the time to fight back was over, pinned to the ground by the smaller one's weight. Not that she weighted a lot but the way she was sitting on her now restricted any movement that could get her off of her again. Pennsatucky smiled, her knees buried in the snow next to Pipers legs as she lifted the cross high up into the air._

_One quick movement and the cross was impaled into Piper's stomach. Her eyes were wide with pain but no sound left her even though she wanted to scream from the top of her lungs. She shakily lifted her hands to the cross, resting them around it. She didn't have the energy to pull it out. Her eyes went from the wood up to Pennsatucky just as she stood up. Pennsatucky was so obviously pleased with herself and the result that it made Piper want to throw up._

"_You die alone. Like you deserve." She told her._

_She looked around and left her to die there, the cross still in her. She sneaked back inside without anyone seeing her, the door falling shut behind her loudly._

_Piper couldn't move, her body weakened from the cold and her injuries. She was going to die here, she knew. There were tears rolling down her face and the cold wind turned them icy on her cheeks._

_She heard the door open again a few minutes later, somehow still conscious and whimpering to herself before a loud scream echoed through the night._

* * *

Morello loomed over Piper's body, lost on what to do. She wanted to run back inside and call a guard for help but at the same time she was afraid that leaving her there alone would kill her. She noticed Piper's eyelids flutter. She was struggling to stay awake but her body couldn't take it much longer and a minute later she had fallen unconscious. Morello checked her pulse, relieved to find it there. It was weak but it was there. Her gaze went to the cross, the shirt soaked in blood, tainting the snow around her body in a crimson red.

She was about to try and pull the cross out when she heard a voice from the door telling her not to. She turned her head only to find Bennett rush closer.

"It'll increase the blood flow if you pull it out. It's safer to keep it there for now." He explained and Morello nodded absently, crying.

Bennett spoke through the radio, requesting immediate help from the others and also informing them of calling an ambulance, giving through the details they'd need.

"How long has she been here?"

"I-I don't know. I found her here maybe five minutes ago? Is she going to be alright?"

Bennett looked at her intensely, clearly trying to figure out if she had anything to do with this or not. He told her he didn't know but that an ambulance was on its way and she'd be in good hands.

"Go back inside, Morello."

She nodded, shakily getting up. She felt sick to her stomach but went back to the door. She was greeted by familiar faces there, looking up at Alex with teary eyes before Nicky pulled her into a tight hug.

"I knew it was you.." Nicky whispered.

They had rushed there after the scream, Nicky telling the others it was Morello. That was also where Taystee informed them that she had seen her earlier and told her about Piper being missing. They didn't need the extra reason to go to the source of the sound but upon seeing her expression, it was obvious that she had seen something.

"What happened?" Alex whispered, scared of the answer.


	5. Help Is Coming

_I meant to update this days ago but writing this chapter has been more of a challenge than I thought it would be. I also want to thank you all for the follows, faves and reviews (I even got a Spanish one!). I'm glad you enjoy the story and I hope I can keep you interested. As always, reviews are beyond appreciated. I want to know what you thought was good and bad and how to improve it after all. So please do take the time for a line or two :)_

_By the by, I also have a Facebook page (and Twitter and Tumblr under the same username) if anyone's interested. Link's on my profile :) _

* * *

Morello stared a hole into Alex for a moment before snapping out of it and lifting her head to look at her once more, still enveloped in Nicky's hug.

"I don't know."

She couldn't even recall why she had gone out there in the first place after seeing Piper like that.

Before Alex or any of the others could reply in any way, they were roughly shoved aside by guards passing to get outside to the scene. Mendez barked at them to get back to their dorms but none of them moved. They were frozen in the spot. Bell and O'Neill rushed by them a few seconds after Mendez and the group around Piper was soon heard talking quietly. Bennett hadn't managed to stop the blood flow completely but it had died down a little, buying Piper time until the ambulance would get to them. It shouldn't take too long now.

Minutes that felt like hours later, the sirens of the ambulance could be heard at the prison entrance and everyone let out a sigh of relief. Fischer guided the men through the prison to where Piper was, stopping at the door and letting them pass. She turned her attention to the small gathering of people around the door, Alex up front. By now, word had somehow spread that something was wrong and more inmates had come together there, murmurs and whispers filling the otherwise silent hallway.

"Please go back to your dorms." Fischer asked.

None moved. She sighed a little and stepped closer to them, not finding it in herself to be as strict as she should be given the situation they found themselves in.

"I'm really sorry but they need a clear path to bring Chapman back to the ambulance. Please. You shouldn't be here in the first place."

Alex stared at her for a moment before nodding and taking a few steps back so they could pass without any problems. Everyone else followed her example but they were still reluctant to leave the place. Curiosity had gotten the better of them and they wanted to know what had happened. By now every inmate around knew who was lying out there, at last after what Fischer had just said and as much as it was curiosity that brought them there, it was mostly worry that kept them there now. Most inmates got along just fine with Piper and they genuinely liked her.

Taystee peeked up when she noticed movements and the clear sounds of hurried footsteps in the snow. They got clearer the closer they got and everyone fell silent once more, eyes on the gurney that passed by them mere seconds later. Bell was with the paramedics, showing them the way back but barely anyone paid her any attention.

Piper's shirt was soaked in blood, her skin paler than Alex could ever remember seeing and she looked more like a dead body than being alive. The cross was still impaled into her. The paramedics hadn't needed long to make that decision. It would be safest to take it out in the hospital during surgery. There were a few gasps and shocked expressions whenever someone caught a glimpse of Piper and once she was out of sight, most eyes fell onto Alex. She looked like she was going to be sick herself and she quickly excused herself to Nicky and the girls before rushing off to the bathroom.

Fischer looked after her, worried but waited until the other CO's came back out. She didn't need to wait long. Mendez was about to say something when he saw everyone but he was interrupted by Kaputo´who just now joined the crowd.

"Inmates, back to your dorms."

"What about Chapman?" Nicky asked, finally letting go of Morello.

He turned his head to look at her, his expression sympathetic.

"We will inquire about her condition. Now, go back to your dorms, there is nothing you can do right now. The CO's will make sure you will all get back."

Mendez, Bennett and O'Neill each took a dorm and made sure every inmate that was out now went back to the ones they belong to. Nicky didn't have the chance to go after Alex so she asked Fischer to do so for her. She trusted her more than any other guard in there and she was currently also the only woman around.

Fischer went after Alex to the bathroom, knocking when she heard noises coming from the toilet. She made a face when she found her. She wasn't good at handling people who were vomiting. She knelt down next to her anyway, keeping her hair out of her face for her and only then did Alex notice the new presence. She dry heaved a few more times and shifted to lean back against the wall of the stall.

"When you're feeling up to it, I'll walk you back to your dorm."

Alex just nodded absently, teary-eyed. She put her glasses up into her hair and looked at her.

"Is she gonna be alright?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry."

Alex got up again and after washing her face, they left the bathroom to get back to her dorm. Her minds went back to Piper's rather lifeless body and the cross and something snapped inside of her.

"Pennsatucky..." She mumbled to herself, angry.

Fischer paid it no attention and let her off once at her bunk. Alex dropped down, so tense her knuckles turned white. Over the worry and Morello's scream she had actually forgotten that they had been looking for Pennsatucky as well. She had forgotten about the threats Piper had gotten too. After seeing the cross, however, it had all come back to her with a vengeance and now she was just pissed. She would make Pennsatucky pay for what she did to Piper when she saw her the next time. No matter the cost.


	6. Hope

_I wanted to thank you all again for reading, following, faving and reviewing! It means a lot to me that you're enjoying the story. I made this one longer than my usual ones because I'll be at a convention over the weekend and won't be able to write on this, s I figured I'd give you guys a little more than usual. This chapter is heavily focused on Alex but will deal with Piper's condition and Pennsatucky as well, though not as much. More to come with the next one. _

_Please do take the time to review and tell me what you thought of it. I'd like to know how the chapter worked with the story and if I got the characters, especially Alex in this situation right, or if you thought I should have done things differently. I'd love to come back to some feedback :) It also encourages me to write, write, write! _

* * *

When Alex headed for breakfast the next morning, there were still no updates on Piper's condition at all. Not even a quick statement on whether she was alive or dead had been made and it was driving Alex up the walls. She hadn't slept all night, unable to find the peace to rest. She turned around once she had her tray of food and saw Pennsatucky walk in with the brightest smile. It made her want to knock it off and her teeth out and while the urge to drop her tray and do just that was overwhelming, Alex suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head to the origin and found Red standing behind her, a sympathetic smile on her lips.

"I know what is on your mind, Vause. Do not attempt anything stupid, you hear me?" She warned, her Russian accent as present as always and all Alex could do was drop her gaze and nod in defeat.

She nodded towards Nicky and the others, telling her to go sit with them and as far away from Pennsatucky as possible. Alex simply left to the table, silent and thinking. Nicky gave her a quick look, checking up on her before offering a smile. Morello was her rather cheerful self but it was obvious to everyone that she wasn't doing that well herself. It had shaken her what she had seen the previous night.

Alex only looked up again when Taystee sat next to her, Poussey seating herself opposite her.

"Someone gotta teach Jesus bitch a lesson." Taystee started.

"Yeah, the guards ain't gonna do nothin' about her." Poussey agreed quickly, picking at her food for a moment.

"The cross should be indicator enough who did it. They're not that stupid and they can't just ignore it either."

They all looked at Alex then and she shrugged. Red was right. None of them could do anything about her without getting in trouble and Piper would need them all around when she got back. She hoped she could skip work today or she wouldn't be able to compose herself and not crush Tiffany's face into a dryer. Repeatedly.

"Listen, Vause, Chapman's gonna be fine. She'll be back here sooner than you think and kick our asses at Scrabble again just like before."

"And if they don't send Doggett to Psyche, shit's gonna go down." Poussey declared in addition to her friend's words.

Alex appreciated it, even managed the faintest smile for the two of them before nodding in agreement. She picked at her food more than eating it, not really hungry and the thought of food actually made her more sick than anything anyway. She ate a bit though, knowing Red wouldn't approve if she didn't and give her another long speech about how she needed to be in shape and not look half dead.

It was a couple of minutes later that the first on their table went off, leaving Nicky, Morello and Alex alone.

"Are you gonna finish that?" Nicky asked when Alex didn't continue eating.

She shook her head no and pushed the tray towards her friend. She knew she wanted the rest. She got up, mumbling an excuse to head off and made it past the door into the corridor where she was stopped by a gentle hand on her arm. As soon as she turned around, the hand left her and she took a small step back, staring at Fischer.

"I'm not really supposed to tell anyone yet but... You and Chapman are close, right?" Fischer asked, seemingly nervous.

She nodded, frowning. Was there anything new on Piper?

"We got a call this morning, just an hour ago, actually, from the hospital. They operated all night and they said there were some complications but she's stable. She's alive, though she won't be released any time soon. I just thought you should know."

Alex' eyes widened as she listened to what the other one told her and there was a wave of relief washing over her once she was done talking. Piper was alive. That was all she had wanted to know. She nearly had the urge to hug Fischer but just looked at her, emotional.

"Thank you.."

Fischer gave her a smile and then left again. Alex looked after her for a little while before snapping out of it and going back to the dorm. She dropped onto her bunk and grabbed a book, her knees up against her chest and instead of reading the book, she used it as a shield to let her emotions run free for a minute. She cried quietly, anger, relief, frustration, worry and fear all mixing together.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. She somehow managed to go to work and completely ignore Pennsatucky and her minions. Dinner wasn't anywhere close to being fascinating either and though people talked to her, she never replied, lost in her own little world that resolved purely around Piper.

* * *

By the time New Year's Eve came around, barely anything had changed. There weren't really any more news on Piper's condition and Pennsatucky was still roaming around the prison like any other day before. Alex had noticed how everyone around her checked up on her and made sure she ate and was fine all together. She had reduced speaking with others to a minimum though she really wasn't opposed to any kind of conversation. Since everyone was seemingly walking on eggshells around her, however, she found it easier to spend her time reading and working, eating and sleeping. She had had quite some things to deal with that would only be complicated by the others. Things like her feelings for Piper, mainly. Although she had meant what she had said that day in the library, she couldn't deny her feelings. Especially not when Piper was in the hospital because some meth head had nearly killed her. She hadn't even needed any time to realize how ridiculously in love she still was with her. The fear of losing her like that had hit her harder than anything else ever could; not Piper marrying Larry, not Piper leaving her or ignoring her or even hating her.

The celebrations for New Year were great and Alex managed a few honest smiles and laughs and more snarky remarks than she had left in days. It was a little difficult to be the self she had been ever since the incident at Christmas when there was so much happiness around. She wished Piper was around though. She missed her.

Nicky and Morello took her mind off, dragging her around to dance and have fun and simply taking her mind off so she could enjoy the time. They had noticed how tense Alex had been lately and were all the more glad that it seemed to work to get her off the edge a little. She did eventually resign to her dorm earlier than the other inmates but she had to admit she had had fun. Quite a lot, actually. She went to bed just after midnight, hearing the excited shouts from everyone still celebrating and she fell asleep with a small smile on her lips.

Two days later, there was a turmoil in the cafeteria when the guards tried to take Pennsatucky with them. Mendez was the one finally managing to pull her away from her freakshow, leaving Bennett and Bell to deal with the others.

"What's going on?" Alex asked, having missed most of what was happening.

She had been late for dinner and had barely made it inside without Pennsatucky losing her shit on her. Mendez had held her off of her and had told her to move inside and eat.

"Ah, they're taking her to Psyche." Morello said.

Alex raised her eyebrows, surprised but then not. It was about fucking time they put her away.

"They finally did something and proved it was her who attacked Chapman and she wasn't even trying to deny anything when they accused her earlier. You missed quite a show, let me tell you. Bitch was all proud of herself." Nicky explained.

Those were about the best news she had had in weeks. She sat down with them once she had gotten her food and ate, finishing her tray in record time and earning a pleased smile from Nicky, Morello and Red when she saw. It was the first time she had eaten like that since Christmas.

* * *

It had been three weeks now since Christmas. Three weeks since Piper had been attacked and sent to the hospital. Three weeks since there had been any updates on her. Two weeks since Pennsatucky had been sent to Psyche without a real chance to get out again.

Piper hadn't realized how much she actually missed prison until she was back on the property. They had released her in the early evening. She didn't remember too much of what had happened to her. The wound on her stomach was the only real indicator. Polly had visited her as often as possible while she was in the hospital, occasionally in company of her mother. She had explained to her what had transpired at Christmas but she had to do it more than once because with all the painmeds Piper had been on, she didn't recall a lot the next time she woke up.

She wondered how everyone was doing. What they had done with Pennsatucky, if anything at all and most of all, how Alex was. She probably still hated her but she just wanted to see if she was okay. She probably was. It was Alex after all. Morello had been the one driving her and had hugged her so tight, it had actually hurt and left her breathless for a few moments. She rambled on about how she had found her in the snow but being honest, Piper had stopped listening after that and had completely overheard any comment the woman had made about Alex or Doggett.

Morello left her alone when she stood outside, taking in a deep breath before she decided she wasn't ready to face anyone yet. She wanted to be alone for a little while longer. It was already dark by now and she guessed everyone would be at dinner now so she went to the chapel first thing. She got in quietly and stopped a few benches into the hall. There was someone sitting on the stage and when she took another step closer, she could finally make out who it was.

"Alex?" She whispered, her voice hoarse.

She hadn't spoken a lot since she had woken up weeks prior in the hospital. A few forced words with Polly and her mother and that was it. She barely even recognized the sound of her own voice. But apparently Alex did because her head shot up and she was standing in a heartbeat, staring at her in utter disbelief. No one had told her she would be back today.

"Piper? Pipes, you're back?"

Her voice sounded so small, so weak that it tore at Piper's heart. She hated that tone of voice. Alex was always the strong one, always had been too. She sounded broken. Defeated. Like she had spent a lot of time in silence or crying and simply being done with everyone around her.

"Oh my God, you're back..." She said, walking the few feet over to where Piper was still standing.

They stared at each other for a few seconds before Alex pulled her into a tight hug, hiding her face in her neck and running her fingers through her hair.

"I'm so sorry, Pipes. So sorry."

Instead of saying anything in return, Piper marveled at their hug, her arms wrapped around Alex' neck. Never had she been so glad to be back in her arms than at this moment.


	7. Good Terms

_I am terribly sorry about the delay in posting this! After a heavy post con blues hit, I had some personal issues that needed my attention and by the time this chapter had my full attention, nothing I wrote was good enough. This is short and I apologize (especially with the wait I gave you guys)... I had everything up until the last chapter lined out so this one was a free runner. I actually don't really like this one so I would appreciate it if you could share your thoughts on it. Cookies for everyone who waited patiently for me to update this and an extra muffin should I have disappointed you. Thank you for all the faves and alerts (I keep an eye on how many views this has but the day I updated last, fucked up so I have no idea how many people actually read my last chapter and that makes me sad)._

* * *

Neither said a word for what felt like hours. It was several minutes later that Alex pulled back and cupped her cheeks, still not believing she had her back.

"'m sorry, Alex..." Piper finally whispered.

She looked like she was in pain when talking so Alex shushed her and they sat down together.

"It's fine... Not your fault. I'm sorry though, really. I fucked up..." She sighed.

Piper shook her head but she didn't say a word. Speaking still exhausted her too much. She rested her head on her shoulder instead, grasping Alex' hand and playing with her fingers.

"I missed you." She croaked, smiling up at her shyly.

"I missed you too, kid."

Alex kissed her temple and let out a long breath. She was so glad Piper was back, alive and well and... here.

"I didn't even know you were coming back today."

"Didn't mean to.. run into you here. I thought.. maybe I could be.. alone for a little.."

"You probably shouldn't talk too much yet."

"Tell me what I missed." She asked, ignoring her words.

She looked up at her before focusing her attention on their entwined fingers and then the familiar tone of her voice as Alex started talking.

"I don't remember a lot from right after you went to the hospital.. Red made sure I ate and didn't do anything stupid, like smash Pennsatucky's face into the dryer door... repeatedly. The girls looked out for me too, tried to distract me and talk to me and swear revenge on Doggett in case she'd get away. She made a scene when they got her to Psyche but I missed out on most of it. New Year was nice, fun. We got a couple new inmates.. Oh, I got my mattress back. Fischer's been slipping me updates on you sometimes, was nice. Really, I'd say you didn't miss anything."

She hadn't noticed but Piper had fallen asleep during her little speech, her head resting on her shoulder and her breathing even and calm. She was so relaxed. Alex shook her head when she noticed, rolling her eyes.

"Falling asleep when I'm talking to you... How rude." She mused to herself.

She stared down at their fingers, smiling faintly and wrapped her hands completely around Piper's smaller ones. She shifted to be more comfortable and made sure Piper stayed asleep. She looked like she needed it. Upon further taking in her state, the blonde still looked like shit, worn out and drained. She looked like she hadn't slept well in weeks or eaten anything which was probably not too far off. She'd ask Red to make sure to give her something easy to eat for the next while.

She only woke her up again when it was time to go back. She didn't want to miss the count and make Piper's first day back one of lectures. Alex was sure she'd get a warm welcome by the other girls and just hoped they would go easy on her. She didn't want her to feel overwhelmed. She guessed that was one of the reasons she had come to the chapel first. She had said she had wanted to be alone after all. Probably sort out her thoughts of being back and what had happened. Sometimes, Piper was thinking too much.

They made their way back in silence, Alex walking her to her assigned room before she headed off to her own bunk. They still had a long way to go but at least they talked a little and Piper was back and relatively well. That was all Alex needed for now.

Piper was glad they were back on better terms. She truly hadn't meant to see her right away, she had tried to keep a distance like Alex had asked her before everything went to hell but she knew she would have never managed. She needed Alex too much for that. She made a mental note to tell her so the next day. She crashed into her bed and fell asleep the moment the guard left their room. She had been assigned to some newbies who, luckily, had no idea what had happened and hadn't made a scene about her being back. She'd have some more quiet time until the next morning and she was grateful for that.


End file.
